Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
