fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
