This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
