You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
