I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
