do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Randomize