I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
it's like iHOP with fire
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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