White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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