My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning