how can u be prego again
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
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