my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
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they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
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You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.