There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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