I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
