It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Randomize
