im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I am naked and annoyed.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Randomize
