Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
