I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
