Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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