you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
