First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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