a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
