I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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