I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
