Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(805): View more from California

bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...

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(217): View more from Illinois

you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012

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(281): View more from Texas

I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend

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(732): View more from New Jersey

is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?

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