Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.

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(520): View more from Arizona

He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure

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(940): View more from Texas

I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.

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(416): View more from Toronto

Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?

(416): View more from Toronto

I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way

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(518): View more from New York

The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.

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(813): View more from Florida

Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.

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