well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
