Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
