Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Still dying that you shit outside
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
