Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He passed out mid-signature
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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