just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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