How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
