Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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