I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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