She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
