Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i was born a porn star she said
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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