I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
