Don't you send me to vm
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
