You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You are a genius and a whore.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
