I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I wannas sexs uuuuu
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
They are going to name an STD after you.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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