Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
