I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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