Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
my sisters under your porch take her home
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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