he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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