i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
false alarm, still single
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
