gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
