is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
