Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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