is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
