I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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