Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i permit you to call me
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
