When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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