U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Maybe he injected his testicle?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
