We're facebook friends in real life
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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