Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
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