I've blown a few things in my day
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
