If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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