I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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