I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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