Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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