an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
