new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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