My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
