"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
