I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
