p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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