my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
