My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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