how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
