i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
