In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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