i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
