both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
