Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
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His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
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For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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