Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
