Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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